Many years ago my company had a CEO that made Napoleon look like a wimp. Iron fist, absolute control, all that. I used to say that if we were a cult we would already be at the point where only he could have sex with the women. And the old adage "absolute power corrupts absolutely" came to be true. The man and our board were under investigation, tempers ran high. We minions walked on eggshells lest we disturb the beast and get fired before he did. And in the meantime we had to sign cards, stand outside with signs proclaiming our love of our board, look sad and distressed in our come to Jesus meetings with the CEO and our classes on how to talk to the public about all the bad press etc. Many employees were feeding that information to the press, but at work it was eyes on the monitor, fingers on the keyboard and shut the hell up. Until recently I would have to say it was the single most stressful time of my working life.
During that time the CEO's laptop died. I received a frantic call from his secretary to get a laptop over to the board room NOW. We didn't have any set up. The CEO didn't particularly believe the company needed laptops and they were doled out selectively. Most of the managers weren't even allowed to have a computer, much less a laptop. I started calling all the I.T. people I knew who had a laptop (I did not have one myself) and got hold of "Rachel." Rachel had a laptop, but didn't want to let CEO use it for one reason or another. I tried to explain the urgency of the situation, and she started yelling at me, so I hung up and starting calling other people. While I was making all the calls I was also frantically throwing a base load onto a laptop. That process took about 40 minutes at that time.
A few minutes after hanging up on Rachel, as I was sitting at the workbench with my back to the door, a laptop goes flying by my ear, smacks against the back wall of the workbench and then onto the work table. I said something like "what the hell" and turned around. There's Rachel, and she's yelling at me to NEVER HANG UP ON ME AGAIN. I tell her I don't have time for this and turn around and continue trying to build the new laptop. She grabs my left shoulder (the one with the torn rotator cuff that I had been doing physical therapy on for about 2 - 3 weeks). I screamed. It literally felt like my shoulder blew up. I turned around and told her I didn't have time for this and to go away. I turned back to the workbench and she grabbed my shoulder again. I screamed again.
My other coworker, Kathy, yep, the same one that can't stand me for some reason I've never been informed of, told us both to shut the hell up.
I got up and headed for the door. There were no supervisors in our building and I was heading across the street to find Cliff. The one supervisor that I had always trusted at work. I wasn't going to tell him what happened, I was just going to ask him to keep Rachel away from our area. Rachel catches me at the street and reminds me that CEO needs a laptop and that I don't have time to talk to Cliff. I agree and I tell her that she and I will talk after this was over and get this straight. And I told her to never touch me again.
One of my other calls was returned and a laptop was delivered that worked, and I ran it over to the CEO. One crises down. I returned to my desk and there were Cliff and Juan. They informed me that Rachel had come to them saying that I had cussed her out and threatened her. She was very upset and what did I think I was doing. Oh no, wait a minute, that's not what happened. And I told my side. They went away to talk to management.
She lied her butt off because she knew if I told what happened she would get fired. I understand how scared she was and how much she needed her job. I understood the kind of stress we were all under. What she did not know was that I would never have told Cliff. I was planning on cooling off, letting her cool off, and take her for an ice cream and talk it out.
All the only witness said was that we were arguing and she didn't want to hear it. So, my word against hers. We both got in equal trouble. I, however, was injured. My rotator cuff was a little more torn and it set my therapy back to scratch. I lost all the progress I had made.
And I developed quite a bad attitude. A co-worker that I liked and trusted had physically and verbally attacked me and then lied. And I got in trouble for it. Since I didn't just sit down and take the punishment, I received a written reprimand.
Then the CEO retired in disgrace, eventually he was tried and convicted of money laundering and other things. We are now on our second CEO since that one and a new board of directors. We still have most of the managers and supervisors that were hired and trained by that first CEO still in charge. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Fast forward to this year. This is the most stress I have been under at work since that incident. It is the same exact walking on eggshells everyone is tense and pissed off feeling as it was back then.
One of the signs that I am fixing to go into a panic attack is that my shoulder starts hurting. My therapist believes that on the day of my collapse, I was so tense and so stressed out, my brain chemicals were so depleted, I was sitting there doing the same kind of work in the same kind of work area, and my subconscious brain was waiting for a laptop to go flying by my head and for someone to physically hurt me. She believes this is the reason I was so fearful and the collapse so spectacular. A mini version of PTSD.
That write up is also the reason I was given by HR as to why my manager and supervisor were able to write me up this time without any documentation. I have a documented work history of cussing and threatening physical violence. And it is all a lie. To protect someone else's job.
Life isn't fair sometimes, but this seems beyond the pale.
Progress however is that I was just able to type all that out without taking a panic pill. I am healing.
No comments:
Post a Comment