I wake up to a quiet house. Ken has gone to find parts for Mark the trailer guy. I think Lillian and Sarah are still asleep. Today is Memorial Day. I have had Craig on my mind and in my heart a lot this week. More so than he is usually there. Semper Fi sweet boy.
I seem to have had a set back. Already I'm having trouble sleeping when I'm suppose to sleep, but am falling asleep during the day. Last night I woke up crying. Ken says enough, just quit. We can use your 401K money and figure it out. It's just money. I'm not there yet. I know what that "just money" provides us. And we don't have a lot of extras, nor do we live an excessive life. Simple food, a home, the occasional movie night out.
I was shocked at how strongly I recoiled from my boss. That shook me a bit. On some level in my brain I still react with basic fight or flight with her. I did not want her touching me. She walked up behind me two times to ask a question and both times I jumped. Then that made me angry. I'm getting impatient with myself. I don't know if that is a good sign or not. All I know is she has too much power and I have none at work. I was against the union last time. I have changed my mind. At least with a union there is a union rep, an appeals process, you have a voice.
I am still stuck between CIGNA and Workers Comp. Neither want to pay for leave. I am processing appeals, but in the meantime I have to rely on donations of leave from my co-workers. I had 50 hours of leave donated so last pay period with the vacation I had saved is covered. I will only get paid 9 hours for last week, and the coming week only the 20 hours that I work. If I win an appeal I guess I get back pay? Not sure how it all works. So much paperwork it all runs together. I have to read something multiple times for it to stick in my memory right now. Still having short term memory issues.
I am going to spend today spraying some new organic bug spray on the tomatoes. The tomato worms are extra bad this year already and we've lost two whole plants. Then I am going to make dresses for Lillian and a co-workers two sweet little girls. Perhaps a scarf or two. I will love on my husband and granddaughter, and I guess my sweet daughter too. I will throw in a couple of long walks and eat good food
I refuse to let depression take over.
I don't know if this will help, but my challenge right now is dealing with the craziness of toddlers. The way I'm coping with that is to laugh at everything they do even when I'm gritting my teeth. So just pretend all the people you don't like at work are toddlers and laugh at them.
ReplyDeleteTK, you're doing great. It must be frustrating to see all the hills you want to climb that you've not climbed yet, such as not jumping and recoiling at your boss's touch, but from my perspective as a reader of this blog, you are doing SO GREAT. You're brave and strong and funny and smart, and you're finding yourself again.
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